We're All Saints We're All Sinners All Losers, Never Winners
by kate-dammit-run
Summary: Post s1 finale. Jane is willing to confess everything that has happened. But when the time comes, something isn't right. Something's wrong with Jane, terribly wrong.
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**

"And that's it?" Dr. Borden said as Jane finally sat back.

"Yeah… I think that's more than enough, don't you?" she retired, cracking a small sad smile.

He returned the smile and nodded. "I agree, that is quite enough," he said. "What do you want to do know?" he asked.

She stared at her cuffed wrists for a moment and then looked back at him. "I want to tell him everything, the whole truth," she said confidently, "but just him. I want him to find it out from me. All of it."

Assistant Director Weller walked heavily down the corridor to where Jane Doe was being held. Had it been up to him, he would have preferred to assign someone else to this, but she was willing to reveal everything, and only to him and he knew he had to put his personal feelings aside for the sake of the case.

She was lying on the bunk when the cell door opened, her back turned to him, her face turned towards the wall. He stood just inside the cell, arms crossed, gazing straight at his feet and said, "Come on, let's go."

He knew she couldn't be asleep. It was 8am already, and if he knew Jane - well, he thought he did - she never slept in so late. But she didn't move, didn't even flinch. She made to attempt to acknowledge his presence. "Jane, get up. Let's go!" he said more sternly, shifting slightly but still making no move towards her.

But still she made no move, didn't turn, didn't even seem to hear him. "That's enough, Jane. I'm not playing games here. Get up!" he ordered.

Upstairs, in Patterson's lab, the team gathered around her computer screens watching.

"Something's not right," Patterson mumbled.

"Huh?" Zapata asked over her shoulder.

"There's something wrong with her," she said louder and started typing on her computer.

"You mean like how she's been lying to us for months?" Reade said.

"No, not that," Patterson said, "there's something wrong with her."

The screen in front of her switched from the camera from when corner to the other corner of her cell. "Look," she pointed towards Jane, curled up on the small bed, "she's too pale… she seems… I think she's unconscious."

Back in the cell, Weller's phone rang and he pulled out, reading Patterson's name, he answered. "What is it, Patterson?"

"Weller, you need to check on her… I don't think she's conscious," Patterson said nervously.

Weller shook his head, "What? No, I'm not approaching the prisoner, she could be-"

"God dammit, Kurt! She's not gonna hurt you! It's Jane!" Patterson said, growing more and more nervous as she continued to stare at the image of Jane unmoving on her screen.

Weller shoved the phone back into his pocket and took a step forward, calling Jane's name as he did. He took another, and another until he came to stand right above her. "Jane," he said, "get up." Carefully he moved his hand towards her shoulder, he meant to just rouse her, but that one small touch flipped her from her side to her back.

And revealed the huge blood stain soaking her jump suit. And the bigger stain soaking the mattress below.

"Jane! Jane!" he yelled out her name, his hand going to her wrist, her neck, checking for a pulse. He pulled the blue tooth ear piece out of his pocket and Patterson was already on the line.

"Do you-"

"We see it. We see it!" Patterson quickly said, "Is she…"

"I have a pulse. It's faint, but it's there," he assured her.

He found the source of the bleeding, and he pressed on it, putting as much pressure as he could, but she had already lost a lot of blood. His heart was racing and for a moment he forgot all his training. He could hear Patterson and Zapata and Reade talking in his ear, but he couldn't understand a word. He closed his eyes, shut them out and focused on his own breathing.

He focused on the faint pulse beneath his finger tips.

And then he heard Zapata's question.

"Did she do this to herself?"

"Of course not!" That was Patterson's voice.

Kurt opened his eyes. There was so much blood. So much blood. And she was so pale. An the pulse… Was he sure there was a pulse? Or did he just imagine it?

"Then who did it to her? It's not like there are people going in and out of that place randomly?"

"Patterson! PATTERSON!" Kurt spoke loudly, "review the footage from the last twelve hours. That's when Borden left her and she was fine. And send a doctor here right now."

"Is she…"

"Barely… I… find out who did this to her," Kurt ordered.

"Yes, sir," Patterson confirmed.

He focused back on her. One hand still pressing firmly against the wound, the other went to her cheek, her skin cold and pale. "Jane, Jane? Wake up," he pleaded, "come on, Jane, please."

Patterson pulled up the security footage from Jane's cell from the past twelve hours, and the three agents gathered around, watching it play in fast forward. the saw Jane, cuffed, pace around her cell. The watched her sit on the bed, legs crossed for a while. And then they watched as she lay down and seem to fall asleep.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"That's strange," Reade quipped.

"Did she stab herself? I mean… she was a Navy Seal, she could have done it discretely…" Zapata wondered out loud.

"With what? It's not like she has a wide selection of daggers with her…"

"Weller? Is there anything around that she could have used?" Reade asked.

"What? No… there's nothing here," Kurt replied, quickly scanning around him.

Patterson looked between the two screens, the one with the live feed and the other with the footage from the previous night.

"Wait… wait…" she said, "Weller? Are the lights in the cell flickering? Just a little bit?"

"Yeah, why?" He said.

"Look," she pointed to the other screen," yesterday afternoon there was a small power surge, and ever since then, the lights in holding have been acting funny, but not in this footage."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying… the footage we're looking at is form two nights ago, not from last night. Someone's hacked in and switched it," she said.

"Can you find the real footage from last night?"

"Yes, of course I can."

 _6 Hours Earlier_

 _She had always been a light sleeper, or so she had figured. She assumed her life before was not the kind that allowed for sleeping in or sleeping heavily. And neither did her new life. So when she heard footsteps in her cell at 4am, she jumped up quickly. She sat up and turned around immediately._

 _And she saw him there, standing in the shadows like he had twenty five years ago. And like he did then, he smirked and brought a finger to his lips. Keep quiet, little girl._

 _But she wasn't that little girl anymore._

 _"Shepherd."_

 _"My dear child," he said, taking a menacing step in her direction, "it is so good to see you again. I have missed you."_

 _"What… what are you doing here?" she whispered, "you cant be here."_

 _She was scared. Why was she so scared?_

 _"It's so sad what happened to Oscar, isn't it?" he said, taking another step towards her, "but I understand. He let his emotions get the better of him. He forgot the mission and he paid the price."_

 _She could feel her heart race, pound painfully in her chest. She knew she could call for the guards - where were they? How was he here? - but suddenly, her mouth was dry, her voice gone._

 _"But you won't let that happen, will you?" he closed the distance between them and kneeled in front of her, "No, you won't, because you know better. You were always the strongest," he said, touching her cheek._

 _She flinched, moving back and swatting his hand away. "Don't touch me," she hissed at him._

 _"Feisty," he said with a smile, "you haven't changed. You're still you," he mused, "always the toughest, the smartest… you have always been my favorite, you know that, right?"_

 _He moved in closer and that was when she felt it. The sharp tip of a dagger against her side. She tried to grab his wrist, to move him away, but her hands were cuffed, and the grip he had on her shoulder grew tighter._

 _She felt the dagger move closer against her skin, and he brought his lips to her ear. "You keep your mouth shut, child. You say anything to anyone about what Oscar told you, and the next one will be through Weller. And I won't bypass any of his vital organs."_

"Jane! Come on, I need you to open your eyes, just for minute," Kurt said, his voice trembling, "open your eyes for me, just for a minute."

"Patterson! Where the hell is that doctor!" he asked in frustration, staring into the camera above.

"Ten minutes out," Patterson said.

"She doesn't have ten minutes," Kurt mumbled.

"Ku… Ku… Kurt?" Her voice was hoarse, tired and her eyes could barely flicker open for moment, but Patterson's gasp in his ear confirmed that it was real and not just his imagination.

"Hey, hey, don't speak," he whispered, "you're going to be ok. Just hang in there, just a little longer."

She wanted to say so much, apologize for so much, but she couldn't didn't have the strength and so she just nodded, feeling the tears trickle down her face. She nodded and closed her eyes.

He heard footsteps approaching quickly behind him and sighed in relief, thinking the doctor had arrived. But when he turned, he saw Tasha.

"Where's the doctor?"

"Still not here, but I thought…" she lifted the medical bag she was carrying and rushed towards him.

Tasha stitched her up as Kurt sat next to her, holding her hand. But she was still out cold.

"She lost a lot of blood," Tasha stated the obvious.

"She's gonna need a transfusion," Kurt said, "finish stitching her up and we'll move her to the clinic upstairs and set it up."

"You want to perform a transfusion here?" Tasha asked, "we're not equipped for anything like that."

"I'm not risking taking her to a hospital," Kurt snapped, "they were able to get to her here, under our protection! Who knows what they'll do to her out there. You heard what that man said."

"He said there coming after you next," Tasha whispered.

"It's her we need to worry about now, ok?" Kurt said.

"So you believe that she's still a victim in this? After everything she did?" Tasha argued.

"We still don't know what she did," Kurt said, trying to remain calm, "but we do know that someone snuck in here last night and stabbed her, leaving her to die because he was afraid of what she would tell us. So, I think it's not as simple as we may have thought."

Half an hour later, she was lying on a bed in the NYO clinic with Kurt sitting on a chair next to her, and instead of their resident doctor, it was Borden there with them.

"Are you sure you don't want to wait for Dr. Quinn?" Borden asked.

"We don't have time," Kurt said as he rolled the sleeve of his shirt up.

"I haven't done this in years," Borden insisted.

"I trust you, doc," Kurt reassured him.

"Are you sure you don't want to find someone else from the office to do this? I'm sure there is someone else here with the same blood type…"

"I need to do this," Kurt whispered and Borden knew not to argue with him anymore.

"Ok, this will sting a little bit," Borden said as he prepared the needle.

"Dr. Borden?" Kurt asked after the doctor had set up the transfusion, and his blood was exiting his body in the hope to save her.

"Yes?"

"Do you think, given the circumstances, I can have a look at the notes from your session with her last night?"

 _One Week Later_

Her eyelids felt heavy, very heavy and as she fought to open them, the light seemed just a little too bright. And it hurt. Everything. Everything hurt. There was a stabbing pain in her abdomen. Her arms felt numb. Her mouth was dry. And her head was throbbing.

But the pain. The stabbing pain. And then she remembered. Shepherd. He had come into the NYO and threatened her. He had stabbed her. She remembered the pain. She remembered the blood. So much blood.

He had threatened her. And he had threatened Kurt. Again.

And there was so much blood. There was no way she could have survived all that blood loss.

But then she remembered Kurt. He had been three too. She had seen his face. She had heard his voice.

 _I need you to open your eyes, just for minute, open your eyes for me._

"Jane?"

She could still hear his voice.

"Jane? Hey, Jane," she could hear it now as she tried to open her eyes.

And she could feel him, she could feel his hand squeezing hers.

"Hi," his blue eyes and smile were the first thing that welcomed her when she could finally open her eyes, "welcome back."

This couldn't be real, she thought to herself. Not when the last thing he had done was slap handcuffs on her and arrest her. Not when he had since found out about Mayfair's death and her involvement in that. Not after Taylor.

But then she remembered Borden and her full confession to him.

And that was what he told her, as he gave her food, soup and water and juice, and antibiotics, after he changed the dressing on her wound. And she had sat there silently as he spoke. Silent, shocked. Stunned.

And when she finally regained enough strength to speak, her first words were of concern to him. "They'll come after you," she said, "you should have let me-"

"Don't," he said, "don't say that."

"As long as I'm alive, you're in danger, they'll come after you," she said.

"We're safe here," he said.

"No where's safe," she argued, "they are everywhere."

"Not here," he said calmly, "we're safe here."

And that was when she realized she had no idea where they were. She looked around and didn't recognize anything from her surrounding. She studied the room they were in. It was small, cozy. Not her safe house or his apartment. Old. It was very old. And there was a wood burning chimney in one end of the room.

"Where are we?"

He smiled then and reached for her hand. "Can you get up?" he asked and she honestly had no idea if she could, but she nodded. She gripped his hand tightly, slowly rising up. Her legs were weak, everything about her was weak, and when she stood up, she could barely keep herself upright. So she leaned into him and he held her close, letting her put all her weight on him. He slowly led them to the large windows a few steps away from the bed where she had been.

"We're in the middle of nowhere," he said.

And she looked around, in every direction, all she could see was snow. For miles and miles, she saw nothing else. It was just the two of them, in the middle of nowhere.


	2. Chapter 2

She was leaning against him, and he could feel her getting weaker, letting more of her weight fall against him. He held her tighter but made no move to leave their spot from next to the window, not until she was ready. He glanced at her face, her eyes wide as she studied their surroundings.

"Come on," he said, "let's get you back to bed," he said when he could feel she could no longer supper herself, and she didn't argue, allowing him to lead her and help her get back in. She was so tired, and wanted nothing more than to go backto sleep. Except, she needed to know what had happened and how he could honestly think they were safe there. She wasn't even safe locked up in FBI custody.

"What happened, Kurt? Why are we here?" she said when she was finally comfortable and he had taken his place back in the small chair by the bed.

"I told you, it's somewhere safe for now," he said.

"No, I mean... what happened? The last thing I remember was Shepherd in my cell... and then you came," she replied.

He looked at her, for a moment, studying, analyzing how much he can actually tell her. He had only told her that they'd patched her up and that Borden had given him his notes from his sessions with her.

"You'd lost a lot of blood, by the time I... we got to you," he said, "you needed a transfusion, and still even then... with all the blood we could get to you... you wouldn't wake up."

Her hand went to her side, unconsciously tracing over the bandge over the stab wound. "Do you konw how he got in? Shepherd..." she asked and he shook his head.

"The team's working on it," he said.

She nodded, silently urging him to continue and he said, "almost forty eight hours had passed and you still didn't show any signs of improvement. And then... Reade... he pointed out something, and it actually made sense... and the plan was set and here we are."

"What did Reade point out? What plan?" she asked.

"The plan to get Shepherd to leave us alone, to keep the team safe," Kurt said.

"And how do you do that?"

"We had to kill you."

Jane looked at him, stared in shock, and the look on his face was dead serious.

 _One Week Earlier_

 _"Anything?" Zapata asked Kurt as she handed him a coffee and went to sit across from him. He shook his head, eyes glued to the monitors next to Jane's bed._

 _"Anything on how Shepherd got in?" He asked._

 _"Nothing yet," Reade said, "but Patterson thinks she's narrowed it down. She thinks it was someone on the inside."_

 _"Great," Kurt huffed, "there's no one we could really trust in here, is there?"_

 _"You can trust us," Zapata stated firmly, "you know that, right?"_

 _Kurt nodded, giving her a quik smile. "But as long as she's in here, as long as they think she might reveal their plan, she's in danger," he said, "as is the rest of the team."_

 _"That't it," Reade said._

 _"What's that?" Zapata asked._

 _"As long as she's alive, she;s in danger, as we all are," Reade said, "especially you," he turned towards Kurt._

 _"What are you saying?"_

 _"Jane needs to die," he said._

 _"What the hell is wrong with you!" Zapata scolded him, almost jumping from her seat._

 _"No, hear me out -"_

 _"He's right," Kurt said suddenly, "that is the only way they'd back down."_

 _"Have you two lost it?"_

 _"Tasha, she doesn't have to really die," Reade said calmly._

 _"They just have to believe that she did," Kurt said. "Shepherd doesn't know she talked to Dr. Borden. Those sessions were confidential and not recorded. And he doesn't know I've read the doctor's notes. And as far as we know, they don't know about Mayfair's USB," he said and the two agents nodded, "so their only concern is Jane revealing what she knows, that she's the only leak they have. If Jane is neutralized, that threat to their operation is gone."_

"So you faked my death?" Jane asked.

"Exactly," Kurt confirmed, "only five people know the truth. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Jane Doe is dead."

"Are you sure they bought it?" Jane asked.

"For now, at least," he said, "we claimed we cremated your body and that was stolen from the FBI-"

"What is they test it?" she asked, "for my DNA?"

"It's a good thing then you thought of switching Taylor's DNA in the first place," Kurt said, looking away almost immediately as it grew awkward between them. After a few minutes, wanting nothing more than to end the silence, she spoke again.

"What about you?" she asked, "what's the excuse for your disappearance?"

"Doctor ordered time off," he said, "Borden put in an official report that in the light of recent events, I am in no position to perform my job."

She looked at him, saw that even though that had been a ruse, a part of it was very much true, and a lot of it was very much her fault. "I'm sorry, Kurt," he whispered.

"You should get some sleep," he said, getting up from his seat to leave the room.

"Wait," she said and he just stopped at the door, "please, Kurt... I need..."

Please turn around, she thought.

"You need to rest, Jane," he said, half turning to look at her.

"No, I need to tell you what happened, the truth," she said.

He shook his head. "I already know. I read Borden's repo-"

"No, I know," she said, "but I need to tell you. I need you to hear it from me."

If she thought that having a week to prepare, to practice her confession to Kurt was enough was enough, that it would make it easier, she was wrong. With every word she said, with every detail she revealed, she could see the pain she was causing him, she had caused him, displayed on his every feature. She could see the betrayal, the anger, the disappointment painted all over him and it crushed her because it just reminded her of her sins, of the sins she willfully committed.

And if he had thought that reading her confession from Borden's perfectly typed notes would make it bearable to hear it from her, then he was terribly mistaken. Hearing her admit to those things, to everything that had heppened, made it more real. Coming from her, it all sounded more real, more painful. And to watch her say them, to watch the regret, the pain it was causing her displayed on her face, to watch the tears fall down harder the more she spoke... it was taking everything in him not to reach for her and tell her everything will be okay.

Because it wasn't. It won't be, not for a very long time.

She finally fell asleep, after her confession, after he just sat there when she was done. She was tired, drained, exhausted and as much as she wanted to hear him say something, it had taken everything from her and she'd fell asleep. When she woke up, he was in the same spot, in that small chair, asleep and that was when she saw the small band aid on the inside of his elbow.

She unconsciously reached for him, her fingers ghosting over the band aid and he woke up, stratled, almost jumping in his seat. "Sorry," she whispered as he tried to adjust to his surrounding.

"It was you," she finally said when he had settled back in his seat, "you gave me blood for the transfusion... Why?"

He looked at her and shook his head, not exactly sure what she was asking.

"Why's you do it, Kurt?" she asked again, "it could have been anyone. Why you?"

He looked at her for a moment, and then turned away. His mind was still trying to deal with her confession and there she was, again, at his walls somehow finding a way to dig her way through.

"I was angry, _so_ angry, and I wanted, more that anything, to hate you," he admitted, "it was the easiest thing to do. To blame you, to be angry at and to hate you… well, the last one wasn't that easy," he said, "but to blame you and to focus all my rage at you, that would have been easy."

He shook his head and she watched him closely as he spoke, watched as the emotions tore through those impenetrable walls of his, "I admit, it was very tempting, and even before Dr. Borden told me what you had confessed to him, he came to me and urged me to try and deal with all this properly, to not take all my anger out on you. It wasn't fair. I knew logically that what I was doing was wrong but… you were the only one there, and there was enough… I'm sorry… I shouldn't… I should have listened to you, I should have let you explain."

"Kurt, I'm not exactly blameless in all of this," she said.

And to that he nodded. "I know. But it's not all entirely your fault either. I could only see things in black and white before, but I'm starting to learn to look for the grey in between."

"If I had listened to you earlier... if I hadn't been so damn stubborn about it, maybe Shepherd wouldn't have found you, and you wouldn't have been lying there bleeding to death," he said, "I needed to at least fix that, to make up for that... that's why I... I couldn't watch you die, Jane."

"Thank you," she whispered.

He left the room without a word, and when he came back, almost half an hour later, he brought with him some more soup, water and medicine. She ate, this time able to put more in her stomach than before. And he watched her, silently, again.

"What do we do now?" she asked.

"Now we wait," he said, "the team are working and once they have something, they will let us know and we can move forward."

"Ok," she said, nodding slowly.

"There's something else you need to know," he finally said, bringing up a subject he'd been keeping quiet on all day.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Mayfair left us something, before she..." he said, "a USB drive that had informtion about your case... Jane, we know abot Orion, about who you are- who you were before all this."

"You... you do?"

"Yes, we do," he admitted, "do you want to know? Do you want to know your real name?"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Previously**_

 _"There's something else you need to know," he finally said, bringing up a subject he'd been keeping quiet on all day._

 _"What is it?" she asked._

 _"Mayfair left us something, before she…" he said, "a USB drive that had informtion about your case… Jane, we know abot Orion, about who you are- who you were before all this."_

 _"You… you do?"_

 _"Yes, we do," he admitted, "do you want to know? Do you want to know your real name?"_

 **We're All Saints, We're All Sinners. All Losers, Never Winners** | Part 3 of 8

 _ **Two Weeks Earlier**_

 _"Kurt? What's going on?" Patterson almost ran after him as he took long determined strides towards the office._

 _The office was practically empty, thankfully, because the last thing he needed were the eyes of every single agent and staff member watching as he brought Jane in. He hadn't called anyone, not the team or anyone else. In fact, he hadn't said a word since those fateful five, ignoring her every plea, ignoring the tears in her eyes and her unrelenting gaze._

 _And now she sat in holding, cuffed and shackled - bruised and battered, and he had Patterson on his tail asking the million question he would expect her to ask. And when he reached his office, Reade and Zapata were already there, and the looks they had on their faces told him they had a whole other conversation they'd come here to start._

 _"What is it?" he asked as he walked in._

 _"Why's Jane in holding?" came Patterson's voice right behind him._

 _"Jane's in holding?" Zapata quickly asked._

 _"What happened?" Reade chimed in._

 _"I don't want to talk about it right now," Weller sighed, "I want to talk about why the three of you are here at one in the morning."_

 _"I think that's a bit less important than you arresting Jane," Patterson said._

 _"Exactly, and that's why I'd rather talk about you guys being here than that," Weller replied, dropping his forehead into his palms, "please guys, it's been a long day."_

 _"It isn't anything good, Kurt," Reade said calmly._

 _"When is it ever?" Kurt sighed._

 _"It's about Mayfair," Zapata said._

 _"What about Mayfair?" he asked._

 _"Kurt… she left us a USB drive with a lot of very sensitive information… information about Orion… about something called Daylight and M7G677, all top secret, all very very dangerous," Patterson said._

 _"She… she left us a USB drive? What do you mean left?" Kurt said, lifting his head up._

 _"Kurt, we have reason to believe Mayfair's dead."_

 **Present Time  
Cabin in the middle of nowhere**

"You… you know who I am? Who I was before all this?" Jane asked, her eyes blinking rapidly, ignoring the pain as she sat up straight in bed.

"Yes," Kurt replied simply, "do you want to…"

She sat in silence for a moment, staring at her hands where they rested on the blanket on top of her. Her knuckles still hadn't healed properly, and her wrists were still sore from the handcuffs. The silent moment stretched into minutes, and she finally looked up, her eyes finding his as he watched her carefully.

"No, I don't," she finally said, and his eyes widened in shock at her reply. That was literally the one thing she has been after since she woke up in that bag all those months ago, and yet, when they finally had it for her, she said no.

"I… I don't understand," Kurt said.

"Trying to find out who I was, trying to be her, hanging on to her is what got me here," she explained, "It's that pitiful attachment I had to that past that ruined everything. I am done with her. Done with who I was."

Kurt watched her silently, watched as she tries to put it all into words, still surprised at her decision, but slowly understanding.

"Dr. Borden said that even if I didn't remember anything I could still find myself. And the person I choose to be is not her. I want the freedom to choose who I am and it's not her," she explained, "maybe it's too late, maybe it's not… but it's what I choose."

Kurt nodded slowly and she has to turn away for a moment, unable to look at him because even as he nodded in understanding, she could still only see the pain that she'd caused him in that naive quest she'd sent herself on.

"Well, the one thing I want to do is bury her, bury her with everything that I ever was and everything that I ever did and wanted," she said, "I want this chance to start new, and I understand if you cannot give me that, Kurt, I understand if I don't deserve it… but I want to try, the only relationship I want to have with her is atoning her sins, atoning the sins I made trying to bring her back to life."

She took a deep breath and turned back to him, "I want to bury her, and her name with her. I only want to be me from now on. I only want to be Jane. I am Jane."

"She wasn't a monster," Kurt said, and her head snaps up, staring at him in shock, "she wasn't all that bad. Actually, she was a good person… she was a good person who just lost her way at some point. It happens to all of us."

"Kurt…" Jane said, feeling tears well up her eyes, "Please, I don't want to know. I am so scared of becoming her… what I saw of her… the things I remember… I have my own mistakes to make up for, my own sins to redeem. I just want to do the right thing. I want to clean up her mess and my mess but I want nothing else to do with her."

Kurt studied her for a long moment, taking in her sudden admission and eventually nodded, "Ok… if that's what you really want."

She gave him a small smile, "It is… I just want to be Jane now."

 ** _Two Weeks Earlier_**

 _"She has been asking to talk to you," Dr. Borden told him, in his ever gentle way._

 _It wasn't the first time that Kurt has been told that, or had heard it first hand from her as he watched the interrogation from an adjacent room to where she was being held. But yet, he stood firm, stubborn._

 _"Too bad," Kurt replied, sounding more like his ten year old nephew than the assistant director of the FBI._

 _"Assistant Director Weller," Borden said, leaning forward in his seat, watching as the other man dropped his head, chin to his chest, "Kurt… Agent Patterson found something… while she was going through Jane's phone… she found a voice message, it was from you… sent a few hours before you had arrested her."_

 _Kurt closed his eyes, the memory coming too quickly to him._

 _"In the message you said-"_

 _"I know what I said in that message," Kurt cut him off._

 _"She's still that same person," Borden then said, "nothing's changed."_

 _"Everything's changed!" Kurt said, "how can you say that?"_

 _"No, just because new information has come to light does not mean she has changed or has become someone else," Borden said, "you will just need to learn how to fit the new found information into that puzzle and still see her for who she is."_

 _"How can I ever trust her?" Kurt confessed._

 _"I am not saying it will be easy. But I think the more important question right now is, do you trust yourself?"_

 _"I'm not sure I do," Kurt admitted._

 _"Then let's take it one step at a time, shall we? Let's start with everything outside and work our way in," Borden said, "you're angry, betrayed and hurt. Is it all Jane?"_

 _Kurt sat silently for a moment. He wanted to say yes to that. It would make everything easier. Put all the blame on her, focus his anger and hatred on her. that would be so much easier._

 _"No," he said._

 _"Good, then let's start where you think it will be easiest to start forgiving," Borden said, "where would that be?"_

 _"Mayfair._

 **Present Time  
Cabin in the middle of nowhere**

Kurt shifted in the small chair, sleep never coming easily, or at all, these last few weeks. He turned towards her, watching her sleep for a moment, mesmerized by how small and innocent, how gentle she still looked even after all this time, after all that had happened.

She pulled the blanket closer, tucking it under her chin with fisted hands. A moment later, he got up, turning up the heat and took his sweater off as he walked back, laying it on top of her and going back to his chair with only a T-shirt on.

 _ **One Week Earlier**_

 _"Ok, let's go back to a few weeks ago, shall we?" Borden said._

 _He sat across from Weller, in another one of what had become their daily sessions, something, to the doctor's surprise, the assistant director had requested himself._

 _"If Jane would have been in trouble then, what would you have done to save her? To protect her?" Borden asked._

 _"Anything," Kurt almost whispered, "you know I would have done anything."_

 _"Who would you have fought?"_

 _"Anyone. Everyone," Kurt said. And often he had._

 _"Well that Jane… the Jane from a few weeks ago was fighting a battle, a battle she is still fighting now. She was in trouble and still is, and she needs your help," Borden said, "only the person she needs help fighting is herself. She needs someone to save her from herself. Can you do that?"_

 _Kurt didn't reply._

 _"She needs your help to fight herself, to fight her own demons," Borden said, "Help her, Agent Weller… She can't do it on her own, Kurt."_

 **Present Time  
New York City**

A soft knock on the front door woke Sarah out of her daydream, still holding the peanut butter covered knife in her hand, she went to the door.

"Edgar? What… what are you doing here?" she asked once she opened her door to find her ex-boyfriend standing there at six in the morning.

"I'm sorry, I know it's early… and I at least should've called first… Can I come in?" he said, panic evident in his voice.

"What's going on? Where's Kurt? Did something happ-"

"Kurt's fine, he's perfectly fine," Reade assured her as she let him in and closed the door.

"I'm sorry, this is… it's out of the ordinary I know," he tried to explain, "the FBI has been compromised, we don't know who to trust."

"I don't understand… what's going on? Where's Kurt?" Sarah asked, starting to panic herself, "where is he? What happened to him? Please Edgar, just tell me."

"Sarah," Reade spoke gently, reaching for her hand, "he's fine. Nothing happened to him, I swear. Someone tried to kill Jane, so we had to come up with something to protect her. But for all you know. Jane Doe died in FBI custody and your brother has taken some time off. Doctor ordered…"

"Edgar, don't lie to me," Sarah urged him.

"I'm not. He's fine, they both are I promise… I promise!… They both need to just lay low for a while as we figure out what to do next," he said, and after a solemn moment, she finally nodded. "How are you?" he asked.

"Fine… coping… really hoped I'd have my brother here through this…" she admitted.

"Oh, Sarah…"

"I'm sorry… I'm ok, really, you don't need to worry about me," she smiled.

"But I do," he said, "And I'm here for you. If you need me, I'm right here. I'll always be here."

"I know."

"I have to go back now, but I'll keep you posted, ok?" he said.

"Please."

 **Present Time  
Cabin in the middle of nowhere**

Jane woke up early, the sun barely peaking out of the horizon. She'd slept for a good ten hours. She'd never done that before. She opened her eyes slowly and the first thing she noticed was his sweater draped over her. She turned to him, pulling the sweater just a few inches up towards her and watched him as he slept, squished uncomfortably in that chair and wondered if that's where he'd been sleeping the whole time or if there was another bedroom in this cabin.

She smiled as she watched him sleep, one of the very rare times when h looked relaxed, unburdened, and yet, that little knot in his brow never seemed to leave him alone. She knew she had a lot to do with that.

He woke up a few minutes after her, squirming uncomfortably in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position and eventually giving up when he could sense she was awake.

"Morning," she whispered as she watched his eyes slowly open.

He smiled as he stood up, stretching the kinks out of his back, "morning."

"Have you been sleeping in this chair all this time?" she asked as she sat up.

He turned to look at that awful chair and nodded, "yeah, this cabin isn't exactly spacious."

"I'll take the chair tonight. You can have the bed. I'm sure I can fit in it more comfortably," she said.

"No, it's fine. It's not that bad," he argued.

"Please, I want to," she said.

"Really, Jane, it's fine," he said.

"No, it's not, Kurt," she said, "let me do this."

"Jane, I'm fine, I promise," he said, "please can we not argue about this?"

She nodded, "ok, we won't."

"I'm gonna go make us some breakfast," he said.

"Can I come?" she whispered, "I think I'm ok to get up… and it may not be so spacious but it's gotta be more than this room," she said.

He looked at her for a moment, and realized she had gone from being locked up in a cell to holed up in this room. He wondered if she thought she was still locked up here too. He walked over towards the bed, helping her remove the covers. He waited as she swung her legs slowly over the side then took her hand to help her up.

"Of course, I can use the company," he said, wrapping one arm around her waist, allowing her to put her weight on him.

"Even mine?" she whispered, and he stopped walking, shifting slightly to look down at her, he said nothing, just tightened his hold on her and continued out of the bedroom.

 **Present Time  
New York City**

It was just the four of them who knew about this and so it meant being extra careful. And that meant turning Patterson's apartment into a lab. Tasha and Reade spent two night making copies of everything they had back at the bureau while Patterson and Borden transformed Patterson's apartment into a lab, a replica almost of what she had at the NYO.

They were gathered there then, early evening, after finishing their normal jobs at the office and was each crouched over some file or piece of evidence trying to find that one break that will give them that lead they need to go after Shephard.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Reade asked but Tasha ignored him. So he said it again, pointing to the last piece of pizza in front of her. But still she ignored him.

"Tasha? Hey, Tash! What's going on?"

She finally looked up, her eyes wide, almost disbelieving whatever was on the screen in front of her.

"Are you ok?" Patterson asked.

"I think I got something," she said.

"What? What did you find?"

"I think we have a fingerprint… _Shepherd's fingerprint._ "


	4. Chapter 4

**_Previously_**

 _"Are you gonna eat that?" Reade asked but Tasha ignored him. So he said it again, pointing to the last piece of pizza in front of her. But still she ignored him._

 _"Tasha? Hey, Tash! What's going on?"_

 _She finally looked up, her eyes wide, almost disbelieving whatever was on the screen in front of her._

 _"Are you ok?" Patterson asked._

 _"I think I got something," she said._

 _"What? What did you find?"_

 _"I think we have a fingerprint… Shepherd's fingerprint."_

After the initial shock, the momentary disbelief, the team quickly got to work trying to analyze the fingerprint Tasha had found. It was a partial left on the handcuffs that Jane had been wearing when Shepherd had broken into her cell. This was their first real lead, after all this time, they were finally catching a break.

 **Next Morning**  
Cabin in the middle of nowhere

Jane woke up to an empty room, for the first time since that first morning at the cabin. Getting up and walking out of the small bedroom, she was surprised to find Patterson and Borden in the cabin, and no sign of Kurt.

"Jane! You're up!" the blonde greeted her and get up, carefully embracing Jane, careful of her injury.

"Hi..." Jane said, obviously confused to see them there.

"How are you feeling, Jane?" Borden asked, almost too professionaly, his eyes on her bandaged wound.

"I'm good," she said, "fine... I'm sorry what're you guys doing here? Where's Weller?" she wondered.

A part of her was almost convinced that he'd had enough of being in the same space as her, that he needed a break. Why wouldn't he?

"There's something he has to attend," Borden said, "even with his leave, there are some things, if he misses, would raise questions."

Borden was being evasive, she could tell as much, but she was not going to push it.

"Are you hungry? We brought stuff from the city," Patterson said, "and packed you some more clothes."

"That's great," Jane said and moved to grab one of hte pastries they had laid on the table, "thank you, for everything that you've both done. Thank you."

 **A Few Hours Later**  
Clearfield, Pennsylvania

Kurt embraced his siter tightly, her face buried in his shoulder. "I am so sorry I left without talking to you first," he whispered, "but you understand how dangerous this all is."

Sarah nodded against his chest and pulled back. "Is she okay now?" she asked and Kurt nodded. "How about you?" she added softly and she just gave her a weak smile.

"God, Kurt, why's all this happening?" Sarah cried, covering her face with both her hands and Kurt could only shake his head and reach for her again.

"I don't know if I can do this," Sarah cried, leaning into him as they walked towards the cemetary.

"Me neither," Kurt admitted.

 ** _Twenty Five Years Earlier_**

 _"You're crazy!" five year old Sarah said, eyes wide as she watched Taylor plant her foot on the base of the large tree trunk._

 _"Come on, Sarah, don't be a coward!" her brother called down from the top branch._

 _"I'm not a coward!" she called up to him, "but I'm not crazy either! I'm going back to the swings. Wanna come Taylor?"_

 _Taylor grabbed the trank tightly and looked between the two siblings. She bit her lips nervously. She looked back at Sarah and the swings, then up at Kurt, squinting in the midday sun. "No, I'm gonna climb up to Kurt," Taylor finally said._

 _"Fine, be crazy together," Sarah shrugged and left them._

 _Kurt smiled down and called to Taylor. "Come on, Taylor!" he said, extending a hand down._

 _Taylor put one foot up, then another, then another. And then she paused, almost half way through. "I don't know... I don't think I can do this, Kurt," she suddenly said._

 _"Of course you can, Taylor Shaw!" Kurt called down, "you can do anything!"_

 _Kurt moved down slightly, just enough to be able to reach her, "come on," he said, "I've got you."_

 **Present Day**  
Cabin in the middle of nowhere

It was pretty late when Kurt finally made it back to the cabin, a little before midnight. He had asked Borden and Patterson to keep the reason of his absence private, but of course Jane had coaxed it out of them within a few hours.

But that was it, she had respected his need to keep it a secret, so the three just spent the rest of the day playing board games that Patterson had brought with her, and whenever Jane tried to bring up the case, or anything work related, Borden would use his doctor card against that.

They all greeted Kurt excitedly when he came back, albeit somberly, and he immediately asked to talk to Patterson privately.

"Did you tell her anything about Shepherd?" he asked.

"No, we didn't," she said, "but she knows about where you were today. Sorry."

He shook his head, "it's okay. Do you have everything we need?"

"Yes, it's in the car," she said, "you are all set for tomorrow afternoon."

"And are you sure you guys are okay driving back tonight?" he asked, "it's pretty late, I'm sorry I couldn't get back earlier."

"Yes, yes, don't worry about it," Patterson said, "just make sure you guys are careful. I'll get intouch with you tomorrow morning with the rest of what you need."

"Thank you," Kurt said, "for everything."

 **Later**  
Cabin in the middle of nowhere

Jane sat in the middle of the couch, waiting for Kurt to finish his shower. He had asked her not to go to bed before he came out, that there was something they needed to discuss. She wasn't sure what it was about, but she was pretty nervous.

"You okay?" she heard him say as he walked in.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she said, "are... are you?"

She wasn't sure if Patterson had told him she knew where he was today.

"I'm okay," he said, "I'll be okay," he corrected himself.

"Do you wanna talk about... I mean, if you-"

He smiled, "we've got something more important to talk about," he said.

He said down next to her, closer than he'd sat any time during the past week. "We have something," he said, the smile drawing wide on his lips.

Her eyes widened at his words, at his excitement.

"The team found a partial print on your cuffs from the night... from that night," he said.

"Shepherd," she whispered.

"That's what we believe," he said.

"And they found a match?"

"Not exactly, not in any of our data bases," he admitted, "but there is a match in someone else's."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Rich Dotcom's," he said, "we still have all his stuff, and the print matches one he has in his personal database."

"But Rich is gone," she said dejectedly.

"He is," Kurt said, and to her surprise, he still smiled, "but apparently, Patterson knows where he is."

"What? How?" jane asked.

"Well, after he disappeared, Mayfair tasked her to try to find him," Kurt said, "and apparently she did. That art forger boyfriend of his plays the same online game that Patterson does, so she managed to track him down."

"She did? When? Why didn't she-"

"Well, apparently, they teamed up, of course he has no clue who she is, and have been on a winning streak, so Patterson didn't want to break that until they were done," Kurt laughed at the absurdity of it all.

"Where are they?"

"Thailand," Kurt said.

"And what are we going to do?"

"We are going to go pay our friend a visit," Kurt said.

"But how? We can't exactly get on a plane and go there," Jane said.

"You enjoyed going under cover at the Hamptons, right?" Kurt said, "how about we take it up a level."

"Kurt, I don't know," she was nervous, of course she was.

"Don't worry," he said, "it's been all planned out."

He watched her closely, watched as the panic didn't leave her eyes. He reached over then, taking her hand in his. "Do you trust this team, Jane? Do you trust me?"

She looked up at him, her heart racing, from his question and from the touch of his hand on top of hers, and she felt herself nod.

"Okay then," he said, "let's tart with your new identity."

He reached into the side pocket of the carry on bag Borden had rolled in earlier. He pulled out a passport and opened it for her to see.

It was her picture and a fake identity. Julia Thorne. She looked closer, studying the picture. It had her face, no neck tattoo, and her hair was short, and blond.

"My hair doesn't look like that," she mumbled.

"You did say you trusted me, right?" he said sheepishly and she nodded. "Do you trust me enough to do this?"

She raised an eyebrow at him as he reached towards the coffee table, towards the small grocery bag there. He reached in and pulled out a pair of scissors and a bottle of bleach.

Jane nodded, finally cracking a small smile. If that's what it took to take Shepherd down then... "Let's do this," she said, pushing herself off the couch and heading towards the bathroom without looking back.


End file.
